Recurring Themes

Scriptures:

Matthew 19: 20-22: The young man said to Him, ‘All these I have observed; what do I still lack?’ Jesus said to him, “if you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.’ When the young man heard this he want away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

Matthew 20:25-33: But Jesus called them to him and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

And as they went out of Jericho, a great crowd followed him. And behold, there were two blind men sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was passing by, they cried out, "Lord, have mercy on us, Son of David!" The crow rebuked them, telling them to be silent, but they cried out all the more, "Lord, have mercy on us, Son of David!" And stopping, Jesus called them and said, "What do you want me to do for you?" They said to him, "Lord, let our eyes be opened." And Jesus in pity touched their eyes, and immediately they recovered their sight and followed him.

Matthew 21: 22: If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.

Reactions: Today I read several chapters of Matthew’s Gospel as I pondered various issues in my personal life. My readings evoked several themes I've encountered in past scripture meditations. I reflected on them today to see how I might apply them to my everyday life and the decisions I’m facing.

The first theme was that of rejecting material wealth. While I don’t think I’m being called to sell all of my possessions and give the proceeds to the poor, I do believe that monetary concerns should not play a major role in my decision-making process.

The next themes were those of humility and service. These go hand in hand, because as I evaluate where I will devote my time and energy, I often ask myself these questions: Am I doing this for my own benefit (pride, bragging rights, righteous feelings), or for the benefit of others? Who is being served by my activities? Am I effective in being a compassionate, constructive, and positive force through my volunteer and work activities, or am I just going through the motions to build up a list of accomplishments?

The last recurring theme from the scriptures was that of asking, or seeking. I feel that I’m in the same situation as the blind men: I’m crying out to Jesus for sight into my own soul. Throughout my retirement I’ve often thought that what I need to do is find my ‘passion’, and though I’ve found some activities I certainly enjoy, I don’t know that I’m passionate about any of them. In thinking about this, I also realize that seeking to find a passion that brings me utter joy and fulfillment could be considered contrary to doing things out of humility and service. So is it right to ask Jesus to grant me this sight? And if so, how do the themes of poverty, humility, service and personal fulfillment fit together?

As I meditated upon these themes, I gained a little bit of insight, and I came to a couple of decisions. I realized that I really don’t enjoy teaching relationship classes (even though I thought I would), and I don’t think I’m very effective in my attempts. That leaves my only motivation a financial one, so I have decided to drop this pursuit. On the other hand, I do enjoy subbing at the schools, and I think that sometimes I do bring something positive to the job. So even though my primary goal is to earn a little extra income, I see other benefits and will probably continue subbing in the fall.

Regarding my volunteer work, I feel that at times I am somewhat successful in assisting the disadvantaged. I have to admit that at times I don’t enjoy my tasks, and that happens mostly when I haven’t done a particularly good job in dealing with the issue at hand. But that’s where humility comes in. I don’t have to be the best counselor or advocate, just someone who tries her best, seeks to improve her knowledge and skills, and occasionally does something worthwhile to help ease another’s burdens. As my skills improve, and as I get better at hearing how the Holy Spirit is guiding me, I think I will become a more valuable resource for the poor. Whether or not I eventually become passionate about these activities, I know that I do get great satisfaction when I’ve truly provided information or aid that makes a difference in someone’s life, so that’s the best of both worlds.

And what of finding a passion that might not relate to charitable work? In contemplating the request of the two blind men, I believe that there’s nothing wrong or selfish in asking for this revelation. I am continuing to explore different opportunities, and I appreciate the fact that I have the time to search for my passion. It might be teaching a fitness class, becoming a better ballroom dancer, participating in a new prayer group, or something else entirely. But I have faith that if I continue to ask the Lord to help me find it, I will receive an answer.